standing up

i'm here...once again,
why you're opening up the healing wounds again.....
i think i better leave right now...before i get any deeper
i think i better leave right now...i'm feeling weaker and weaker...

This used to be the lyrics which i find it very true to myself. When put in a position where there is a need to face the "Weaker" side of me, these words from Leave Right Now, sang by Will Young, would be buzzing! It is like a broken record, there stop button does not work.

Since the close button is not available, guess the next possible option is the famous Ctrl+Alt+Del to kill the process. This best decribe my brave front. I am not sure if killing the buzz would ensure smoother processes, but just have to try. You never know till you try....

So, what do i have in mind and what do i intend to do?? What's the big deal about it? Well, the big deal is that I've been living in fears for years. Fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of failure. What if my plan does not work out? What if the other parties do not appreciate the same manner, it would mean that I fail!!! Life is usually driven by two-fear or desire. Which is yours?

From above, you would have known, mine was definitely driven by fears. Call it asian minded or women's weakness. But today, I like to try the other approach- to make a life that is driven by desire.

Desire...sounds pretty self-centered, doesnt it? It is about what one person wants for himself/herself. WEll, it does sound selfish to me, but in actual fact. If you dare to dream, and dare to achieve your dream, thats also another kind of desire for me.

Now that I have my dream job (not stopping here), dream location (Europe) and would be my dream life(whats that?!) hahahaha...wished i knew. Have not been able to answer but at this moment, as i am recording this, I have a desire to expose myself (not physically) but emotionally and mentally. I would like to be given the chance to know others and to let others know me. how is that? let's wait and see...a brave step.