It is dark, but I am not afraid. Feel so peaceful with the slighest hint of danger. I run, I jump and I lay my head. Everywhere, everyone seems to be my friend. Suddenly, there is an intruder....I begin to feel some warmth..its the waking of the sun!!! Such a beautiful awakening just to watch it wakes up from its deep sleep. Not only has the sun brought warmth but also a new light to my view. When it was dark, everywhere looks the same...but with the ray frmo the sun, I am suddenly facing a different landscape. A wide area I was the ground i stepped on, is filled with great amount of water!!! ahh haa...they called it a pool.

The lake resemble peace. Its slow ripples caused by the wind brought life out of it. I hear the echo's of Mommy's voice, 'Don't go there. It will harm you' I wonder..if she is ever making sense. How can the peaceful and calm lake gonna harm me? Its just feel so good by just watching at it. As time passes by, the sun has reached the top of my head. Its getting warm, hence it makes the thought of sauting into the pool more exciting. Standing closer to the bank, the laughter is really makign it almost iresistable to stay where i am. However, Mommy's voice is still echoing, 'dont go in there. it will bring you pain.'

I am a young person with my own opinion. why should i be listening to my mother when she doesnt know whats happening in my life??? Ok, I dont care. I'll jump in and deal with the consequences later. I jumped. Splash...it was such so refreshing. The kind of feeling that I never experienced on ground. Its too good. People smile at me...so loved. The ticklish feeling would not allow me to stay at that same position. I am sure the feeling at the deeper end would be better..I begin to walk. Indeed...its so cooling..to have my whole body underwater. Great...the best part of life!!!

Oupss...have difficulties breathing. Cant seem to see clearly whats ahead. Eyes covered with water now. Oups no no, I cant take in anymore. Now, it makes sense of what mommy said earlier. 'It will harm you' AFter much struggle whether or not to leave the refreshing pool, and a big leap, I suddenly find myself standing at the bank again. Phew....glad its all good now. I am able to feel the warmth, feel the sun above me and glad i am no longer in that position where i could not breathe. Contented to stay by the bank, I sit, I read and continue to play like how i used to.

But frmo time to time, the thoughts of the beautiful moment in the pool will intrude into my mind. It asks 'Why are you a coward?..Come on in' Yes, you guessed it right. Not long after, I find myself in the pool again. Not long, it soon became a pattern. In and out of the pool as if it is just another exercise....that is because it is the way to find the treasure of life. Once you learn how to swim, the technique to remain in the pool, all that you're striving for will be added to our life.

Here I am now...at the bank. Searching for the guts which is hidden somewhere beneath the loud laughter and bright smile...the pool looks welcoming. But, how am i to know it is ready to take me in. Is it really wanting me to jump in. Am i able to stay in there without getting chocked? Am getting old, stamina becomes weaker...if it were the olden days, who would be afraid of antoher leap into the pool. It was refreshing afterall. But why not this time? What should be the sign to look out for......

'Children is to be seen, not to be heard'...a constant phrase that was repeated when we were growing up as a child, especially when there are friends visiting us. Fortunately, or unfortunately, it has not been very much practice in the family. A family which is dominated by women, we were very much encouraged to express our feelings and our opinion on every issues. Sibling's arguement was a common sight and whoever wins, would be very highly regarded.

We are living in a changing world...where only few things in life would remain. Our physical size, appearance, character are some of the elements that have not remained in one state. However, there is one element that would be the same in one's life...expectation from others - to be the best in everything. Made me wonder...if everyone is the best, if everyone becomes the leader, if everyone is the CEO of a multi-national company, who would then be the subordinate? Who would we be leading?
Oh well, would be time for expectation check here.

So then, when are we expected to open up to let our voice to be heard and when are we expected to hear voices that come from others. Remembering the days, when we come home from kindergarten or school, the elders would be waiting eagerly at the door to ask, 'how is your day?' We were then expected to blurt out the events of the day in their absence so that they have a piece of mind that we have not been up to mischevious stuff(in the name of concern for us). As age catches up, the infamous line, 'how was your day?' would suddenly become a threat to many...some find their tongue tightly twisted...uncertain what should be coming out from their mouth in reply to that...while others would suddenly suffer from verbal diarrhea.

The more educate we are, the more reasoning we'll have before each action to be taken. Should i do this, should i not do that? Sad to say that, when certain issues being processed, it will lose the meaning. the thoughts would not be the same and when the message is actually passed out, it would have a different impact than what it should have at the first thought. Does it mean that I would be speaking my heart out? Confession time....I do not have the guts to do so.

Brought up in an asian family (though many are still confused with which community do i belong to), consideration for other's feeling is always on the top priority. But, where has that brought us this day?? Keeping deeper feelings within, and losing out on the fellowship that might be possible in life. Which is more painful, not able to love or not able to expres your love.

Sitting beside the window everyday, looking out at the clear blue sky. Somewhere within the cloud, stood the special ones who are longing to reach...but why long for that when they are all so reach-able....is your pride that important in your life??

Pride and love would never be able to stand side-by-side...hence, what would be your choice?

As the saying goes, if there is once, it will then followed by second and third. How many times have we found ourselves in the same position in life...each time, promising ourselves that we will not commit the same mistake again, and yet...we do. Frustration, annoyance and irritation for our own lack of self-control over situation, letting the mind rule over heart.

Few weeks ago, a friend was sad because some computer expert had accidently removed his user account from his own machine. Hence, all the records, (especially the correspondance saved) are gone. Seeing upset as he was, being a friend, i used all rational and self-experiences to comfort him and to conjule him to move on in life. Who knows, few weeks later, found myself in almost the same position...except that this time, I was in a position where I had to decide whether or not to remove some momentos from a storage.

Standing at the counter at that point, I was reminded of my own words toward the friend, as well as reminded of the times when i struggled to keep all the bits and pieces with me, so that i am able to keep the sweet moments with me. How silly of me...we are all living in a perishable world..things happen but things vanish after time. But, is it wrong to be a sentimentalist? What do we live for the present, the past or the future?

If we keep on living in the past, it would be like walking with your head looking back. Sooner or later, we will stumble upon rocks of life which will cause us to fall. Living for present without past? How is that? who are we, where do we come from, whats the story about your background form who you are? Living with the future. Hmmm.. how would that be different from a dreamer. WIth no present condition and setting, what would be the basis of our hope in the future...though decision? I wouldnt dare to say, am able to answer all that, so it is best to leave it to individuals who want to shape their path in their own way..... so that nobody qualifies to point finger at anyone for the consequences they face. The present, what are we doing here?

Well, as I am still writing this without an answer to any of those, I just know one thing. Unclosed business would cause more trouble and heartache at later point in life. One wouldn't be able to move far from any position unless the previous chapter of life has been closed. Materialistic belonging would remain where you left them, as well as position of relationship. None of them would move unless someone(you) take the action to move.......